She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
