I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
