her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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