Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
