the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
