I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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