Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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