we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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