dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
