she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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