I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
