My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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