You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've blown a few things in my day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
