Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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