i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
