oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
