where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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