The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
