You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
