In the future we'll all be gay
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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