I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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