I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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