I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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