I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I understand Curling. That high.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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