Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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