I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
