Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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