i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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