i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
