I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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