are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
