He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
