I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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