Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
