Yo dont text me then not text me
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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