so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
