I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
