i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
