i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
