i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
