Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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