we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
