Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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