i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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