I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
