Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
