Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bring me that man meat
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
