When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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