Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
