Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Boobs are out for the taking
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize