I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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