woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize