I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
