is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
