Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
