So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
