i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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