One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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