i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
