God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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