After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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