my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
