Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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