Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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