Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
