either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
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Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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