It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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