So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
