I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
