I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
