so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
