brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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