the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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