I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
