I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
