Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
