You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
