so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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