yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
