i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
