His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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