Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
