Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
