he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
