Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What drink are we having for lunch?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
