like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
