Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
there is puke in my bra ... again
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