He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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